Desert Song

Do you ever go through dry times spiritually? Are you ever in a funk about things? Can I be honest? I've felt like that's where I've been for the past two months. I have been spiritually numb. That's a dangerous thing for a church staff person to say. It's not to say I haven't been growing. I believe that God has used this time to grow me (not a fun growing season). But, it's just to say, I've been in a place where I've had to fight to stay spiritually attached and not to become apathetic or complacent. That's definitely not the norm for me.

As I sat at home last Friday night watching TV, I was thinking about how numb I felt. I was asking God why I was feeling so alone. I have a great marriage, incredible children, a job I love, family all around me. There's no clear reason why I should feel so detached. As I was thinking about these things, I heard my husband on the phone in the other room with a co-worker who had lost his job that day. Dennis was comforting him, praying for him and helping him make contacts for new employment. In that moment, I was so proud of the Christian example my husband was being. But, I also recognized that I was in a serious drought.

Finally, Sunday morning, between services, I just cried on my husband's shoulder. I confessed to him how I have been feeling in my spiritual walk. I was reminded in such a mighty way that when I am weak, God surrounds me with strong people. My husband reminded me that there have been many reasons why I've felt down--everything from life circumstances to loss of a loved one to the blazing heat we've experienced this summer. He's right. When there's a drought like we've had, and a financial crisis like our country is facing, that can deeply affect us, even though we may not realize it. But, he also reminded me that God loves me, and cares deeply what happens to me. Dennis reminded me that God is strong even when I am not, and occasionally, it's okay to ask Him to carry me through.

After that good cry, and that solid confession, something in me awakened. I felt encouraged, and knew that I was NOT alone (it's satan who wants us to feel alone). I went on through my day, and met encouraging word after encouraging word. New believers who shared scripture with me. Friends who shared faith songs with me. I even had a new believer come to me with a faith crisis that caused me to verbalize my deep faith and reclaim it!

I was reminded in a very tangible way how blessed I am to be a part of this body of believers. The CHURCH! I was also reminded that our naturally inclination when we feel down is to withdraw, but in fact, that's when we need Him (God) and it (the Church) the most.

Since then, I haven't been able to get this song out of my head. So, I hope its text will bring you hope and determination:

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
“My God is the God who provides.”

And this is my prayer in the fire,
In weakness or trial or pain.
“There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames.”

And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
“I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand.”

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
“I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow.”

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship.

Lyrics by Brooke Fraser