Godliness: The Key to Good Self-Esteem?

I heard recently of a friend of mine whose son has been picked on at school. Some of the other boys were making fun of him. This has particularly burdened my friend because her son has some difficulties that he has had to overcome. His parents want him to be happy, feel loved and have good self-esteem. He has wonderful parents, and I know that he is one of the luckiest little boys alive to have all of the love that he has from his family. But that doesn't alleviate the pain of that mother and father.

Last year, my son was picked on by a kid at school. This kid wasn't physically threatening--he was just hurtful with the names he called my son. The difficulty for my son (who is about to get his black belt in karate) was that he knew he could break the bully's arm, but he also told me that there might be some time along the way that that same kid might need a friend. So, Ben refrained from decking the kid. Instead, we talked about it. I emailed the teacher explaining that there was a problem (not assessing blame--just pointing out that the boys were having a personality conflict with each other). The wonderful teacher sat down with both boys and kindly, but firmly laid down the law that their conflict needed to be resolved. I appreciated the teacher taking the time to sit down and talk it out with both boys and allow them to talk it out and resolve the conflict.

The fact is, kids (like adults) can be cruel, thoughtless and insensitive. I can remember when I was a teenager, I was standing right outside the Sanctuary of our church, and I called a boy with some learning problems a horrible name. I was making fun of him. My friends were laughing with me, when suddenly, they stopped and were staring over my shoulder. I turned around and discovered I was face to face with the boy's mother. I will NEVER forget that feeling. She didn't say a word. She didn't have to. Her eyes said it all. She was so disappointed in me, but even more, that was HER BELOVED SON that I was poking fun at. I've never forgotten that moment, and I'm grateful that God impressed upon me in that moment the impact of my cruel actions, and the love and pain of that devoted mother.

In discussing with another friend how to raise our children in this world with so many temptations and so many cruelties, he told me that the key to raising a child with good self-esteem is to raise a godly child. He equated good self-esteem with godliness. I've chewed on that thought for the past several weeks. I think he was absolutely right.

How do we equip our children to deal with bullies or mockers? We train them in Scripture, Truth, reason, how to grow in healthy relationship with God and with others. I'm not saying turn them into judgmental, pious Bible-beaters. I'm talking about teaching them God's way to react to situations. Heck...it's a path that I need to continue on daily.

I've got to daily equip myself in the Truth by staying in relationship with God, keeping close friends who keep me accountable, writing His Word on my heart, growing daily in my marriage, and just the daily humble reminder that God is God and I am not. Those are the things that count...the things that lead one to feel truly good about oneself.

My son was absolutely right about that bully needing a friend in the future. The boy that picked on him last year came to Vacation Bible School over the summer. He was a visitor who needed a friend, and Ben was able to befriend him and welcome him at church. The kid has been much nicer to Ben this year at school (and I'm sure Ben's attitude has changed, too). Why? Because he didn't handle the situation out of wreckless emotion and human reaction. He reasoned it out with the people that God put on this earth to help guide him--his parents and his teachers. And Ben is better because of it. He now has the knowledge that he can handle the next difficult situation that comes along--a huge boost to his self-esteem.

I guess it all boils down to this nugget found in Holy Scripture:
Physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. 1 Timothy 4:8

Lord, help us to train in Your ways. Help me to daily re-devote myself to Your teachings and to Your perfect path. Lord, help me remember my failures, that I might not repeat them. But encourage me in the promise that growing in You holds for my life and for my place in Your Kingdom. I am Thine, O Lord.